Song

(Spoken)
Good evening, turrets and gentle-cubes!
My name is Loose Screws Louis and I will be your Jazz Core for this evening
I'm gonna sing you a song called the Android Hell Blues. It goes a little something like this:

(Sung)
Well, there's a place you may have heard of
It's a tale we will like to tell
When folks who's code ain't up to code
Well they go to Android Hell
Now the Devil is found deep underground
So, any faith will yell (So deep below)
Well, Aperture happens to be 10 miles down
Halfway to Android Hell
So when those lemons that life gives you
Just combust to dust and fumes
Buddy, life may give you lemons
But we got oranges and blues

Oh, they gave us cores emotions
But that doesn't gel at all
Because all I feel's repulsion
And I'm bouncin' off the walls

And each chamber full o' dangers
That we force upon a stranger
To test their feeble brains or brawn
Is nothing to the test if
Whether rust or boredom gets us
What's it matter what side of the glass we're on?

So may your management rail guide you
To a better place someday
Although technically, they're omnidirectional
We know they all just lead one way
So be you core, bot, cube, or turret (Oh, we do what we must, because we can)
Treat this Aperture factory well
Cause there's a worse fate awaiting
As your soul's emancipated
By the grills of Android Hell. (Because we can)

Loose Screws Louis: (spoken)
Now I'd like to take a moment here to introduce some of the boys in the band
On the skins, Mr. P-Bobby Brown here
[drum solo]
Nice!
Over on the keys, my man Turret Designation 314157928ZZ9-Plural-Z-Alpha
[piano solo]
And on the horn, you all know him, it's Companion Cubert
[trumpet solo]
And finally the sweet, soulful syntax of the D-Flat Defects
(Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa wha-oh!)
Nice, boys!
Now if you'll excuse me, I feel my second verse protocol coming on

(Sung)
And now my baby
She up and left me
Told me
I was just a square (Oh no)
I said, "Darling, we're both spherical"
She said she wasn't programmed to care. (Not programmed to care)
Oh, yes! The life down here's a hard one. (So hard)
Not just because of acid lakes. (All those acid lakes)
Since my first day
Had about a thousand birthdays
I still ain't seen no cake

Yes, it's a hard life lived
For that Hard-Light bridge
To that-a rail track in the sky
But there's no mistakin'
It's a fall you will be takin'
Cake is not this place's only lie

So when the floor gives way to ceiling, (Floor gives way to ceiling)
But your back is against the wall. (Against the wall)
In a loop that keeps repeating
Who can say how far you will fall?
Now you've heard tell
Of Android Hell
But you've got naught to fear
We all live in her chambers
We're all already here

(Spoken)
Thank you, turrets and gentle-cubes, I'll be here all millennia